chuckles for pet owners...

[spotty]

Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up
in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough.. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front Door:

Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

4. Unlike kids, dogs and cats eat less, don't ask for money, and are easier
to train. They usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang
out with drug-using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying
the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars
for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.

[SHEILA 13]

Give me animals any day lots better than a tempremental 12 year old daughter any day !!!!!!!

[lorraine]

Oh Sheila totally agree give me my dog any day.. Tried to advertise my son on the for sale section , didnt want anything in return, I would even do a free delivery.

[Susie]

How right you are spotty, he he

[DEE F]

I need to sooooooooooooooooo much buy myself a pet now,laughed my head off.

Dee xxx

[lorraine]

It seems like your wish has been granted.... ahhhhhhhhhhh we shall soon see the pics attached to Dees name with her new little baby sooooooooooooooo cutexxx

[InnVic]

I need to sooooooooooooooooo much buy myself a pet now,laughed my head off.

Dee xxx

You could take Lorraines son as a pet...that way everyone would be happy :-)

[InnVic]

Our friends have a huge Old English Sheepdog called henry - these are Henry's Property Laws:

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in anyway.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.

[Susie]

Our friends have a huge Old English Sheepdog called henry - these are Henry's Property Laws:

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in anyway.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.


Hi

Sounds exactly like you were describing my youngest child when he was a toddler, he he

[DEE F]

It seems like your wish has been granted.... ahhhhhhhhhhh we shall soon see the pics attached to Dees name with her new little baby sooooooooooooooo cutexxx


Oh Lorraine I cant wait,my own cute little baby again,awwwwwwww bless,right I need lots of suggestions for names please:) :)

Dee xxxxxx

[lorraine]

Inn Vic what brilliant Idea I like it. Ok Dee pick Mitch up from us on Sunday and we shall keep the puppy, that way no worries about choosing a name he already has one lolxxx Take care sees you tonightx

[Susie]

It seems like your wish has been granted.... ahhhhhhhhhhh we shall soon see the pics attached to Dees name with her new little baby sooooooooooooooo cutexxx


Oh Lorraine I cant wait,my own cute little baby again,awwwwwwww bless,right I need lots of suggestions for names please:) :)

Dee xxxxxx


Hi

Boy or girl ? Then lets all come up with some suggestions, Dee, is there a prize for the one who chooses the best name?

[DEE F]

Hi Sue,yes I am having a girl;) ,and I have to go to puppies equivilant to mothercare today to stock up on necessecities ,just wished pups had pushchairs,I really like the fancy ones with the big front wheel:D but I wil have fun choosing all the bits and bobs anyway,so please come up with suggestions for a name someone,I asked my grandson what he thought and he came up with FANG aghhhhhhhh:( mind you could have been worse he could have suggested spiderman or Batman:) :) I think he is a bit dissappointed the pup is a girl:D so I need cute girlie puppy names please,and I am sure I will think of a prize for the best one:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Dee xxx

[lorraine]

Well waiting to hear the stoires Dee and Carl came and picked the new puppy )Mollie up this afternoon, they looked like they had been told they were having a baby, car full of stuff from Petco including soft toys and squeaky toys lol . Dee had purchased a cute collar small enough to fit a cat ha ha but it had silver incrusted diamonds. As they left with this cute bundle saying ahhhhhhhhhhhh I had little chuckle remembering my cute little pup when he was 7 pounds so cute till night time lol, and so cute till he eat my shoes, well we shall look forward to the stories and the pictures. Dee probably too busy at moment to post, I wonder what shes doing lol

[DEE F]

:) Well waiting to hear the stoires Dee and Carl came and picked the new puppy )Mollie up this afternoon, they looked like they had been told they were having a baby, car full of stuff from Petco including soft toys and squeaky toys lol . Dee had purchased a cute collar small enough to fit a cat ha ha but it had silver incrusted diamonds. As they left with this cute bundle saying ahhhhhhhhhhhh I had little chuckle remembering my cute little pup when he was 7 pounds so cute till night time lol, and so cute till he eat my shoes, well we shall look forward to the stories and the pictures. Dee probably too busy at moment to post, I wonder what shes doing lol

Hi Lorraine,well its now 12 51am and still trying to get madam to go to bed,the thing is she is sooooooooooooooo cute and just looks at us with those big eyes and we both melt,but this time she is going to bed,not sure if I have the heart to let her cry,but we will see:( So far she has been really good, only one little accident,but soon sorted ,but she just doesnt stop eating hahahah and is now following Carl round like a lapdog,and crying for him when he leaves the room,typical if you ask me I am the one doing all the running around and he is the one she follows grrrrr Went back to petco to exchange the collar,and bought her a pink one with diamonds,must admit Carl wasnt too impressed,but hey if Paris Hiltons dog can have one then so can mine;) Anyway am about to hit the sack now if we can creep away,without her hearing us,must admit this is harder than when the kids were born lol.But she is worth it,I will post a pic when I can work out how to do it hahaha,so goodight all from me Carl and a very cheeky Molly:)


Dee xxxxx

[SHEILA 13]

Hi Dee,Congratulations on your new addition to your family.
Our Sally has a pink collar with diamonds on it too and also a hot pink bandana with paw prints on it as you just have to have them wearing up to the minute fashion !!!!!
Our cat Smokey has a blue collar with diamonds on as you cant leave him out as he gets jealous !!!!!
When our Sally was a pup,when she went to sleep,I use to have a nap she was harder work than Charlotte !!!
Good Luck
Sheila

[lorraine]

Well seems like all the advice on training went in one ear and out the other lol. Dont forget what I said Carl, this little cute pup is going to be a big dog part german shep, part chow, part husky, mmmmmmmmm gets away with stuff at this time only weighing 10 pounds , then when shes big she will be sitting on the couch feet up, fag in mouth reading your paper and dont even think about trying to change then lol(No I wasnt describing dee ha ha )xxxxxxxxx sees you all tomorrow

[DEE F]

Hi Lorraine,very funny fag newspaper etc,:( anyway for the first time I havent been able to enjoy my leisurely 3 cups of coffee in the morning,it is now 10 20am and just having my first:( but she has been so good,stopped crying after after about 10 mins last night and went to sleep bless,and this morning was all bright eyed and bushy tailed waiting to be taken outside,she had not had one accident in the night we were sooooooo proud,have spent the morning running round after her in the garden,,and then in for a big breakfast,Molly not me(I just have my Blackpool breakfast,2 paracetamol 3 brews and 20 fags:D )but she is so good,are off to the vets with her in a while to get all her injections and whatever else she needs,but she has settled in fine and loves her new home:) :) if I can just stop Carl from treating her like she is made of glass everything will be great:D :D :D

Dee xxx

[lorraine]

Lol funny , good luck at the vets and get some photos taken also so I can give to hannah the little girl who rescued her xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[charliesmum]

Congratulations on your new arrival - what type is she? Couldn't work out if she's tiny or will become huge.

We'll have to bring Charlie over to visit.

Zoe

[DEE F]

Lol funny , good luck at the vets and get some photos taken also so I can give to hannah the little girl who rescued her xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Lorraine photos done,still trying to work out how to put them on computer:( where is my 10 year old grandson when I need him:D Hi Zoe,well at the moment she weighs about 10lb and is a ball of fluff,but I have been informed that she will grow to be huge being part German shepherd,part Husky and part Chow:eek: must admit the way she eats she wilL be like a small lion in no time haha,but yes please bring Charlie to visit she needs friends aw bless,how soppy am I :o She is dead cute though and totaly looks like she will be the boss if we arent careful,still say its harder than haveng a baby in the house though,Carlm just out getting her more stuff :D :D :D

Dee xxxx

[lorraine]

http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/5772/dsc00675bc4.th.jpg (http://img407.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dsc00675bc4.jpg) http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/354/dsc00683qk2.th.jpg (http://img294.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dsc00683qk2.jpg) http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/6028/dsc00685ha4.th.jpg (http://img294.imageshack.us/my.php?image=dsc00685ha4.jpg)

What a clever son hey Dee , Mitchell has posted the lovely Molly for all to see ahhhhhhhhhhh cute or what? Sees you tomorrowxxx Click on the pics and they go bigger

[SHEILA 13]

Well I can see this little bundle of fun GROWING and GROWING !!!!

[DEE F]

Aw thank you Mitch,think you may have to marry me you know,although not too sure if I could cope with Lorraine as my ma-in-law HAHAHA isnt my baby Molly just sooooooooooooooo cute,aghh bless,and she was really really good at the vets ,especially when they gave her the 6ft needle to put the microchip in her,god I nearly fainted lol ,she is now fully vaccinated and chipped up and when the vet checked her over he told us she is 13lb 1oz and about 11 weeks old,omg she is gonna be sooooooo huge hahahahahah,take care all.


Dee xxx

[lorraine]

lol hey dee mitch just came and read (and in american accent said "no thats messed up) I think that means I cant marry her lol. But he up for being grand child or nephew ha ha. He looking forward to seeing molly again and Zac will when she get little bit bigger ah bless. Just remeber Zac was 10pounds at 7 weeks he is now a year and 90 pounds and the vet said he should be fully grown at 2 years and be about 125 omg. lol

[DEE F]

lol hey dee mitch just came and read (and in american accent said "no thats messed up) I think that means I cant marry her lol. But he up for being grand child or nephew ha ha. He looking forward to seeing molly again and Zac will when she get little bit bigger ah bless. Just remeber Zac was 10pounds at 7 weeks he is now a year and 90 pounds and the vet said he should be fully grown at 2 years and be about 125 omg. lol
Hi Lorraine and Mitch,as I am far too young to be your grandma only being 21 and all,ahem:p But I will gladly be your favorite Aunty,still think marraige would have been better tho, cos you are so fab on computer,aw well you cant have everything:D :D

Dee xxx

[lorraine]

Lol Mitch thinks your mad ha ha he worked you out quick...........he said he can put molly on your name with love hearts border what ever you want. Well thats blown me away. He says mum you just do that this that and this, Im like yeah right thats easy (ha ha NOT)