Why it's good to be old!

[DebbieM]

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.




Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

[TeaPot]

Lovely post...something to print out, stick on the fridge (!) and read when needed.

I was examining my collection of wrinkles only yesterday. I decided I much prefer them to the alternative.

Kind Regards, x

[Paul Elliott]

The fear of growing old is the sign of a wasted life.
Until one is liberated from the tyranny of sex, one will never experience true freedom.

[JanetTom]

I have realised that the older I have got,that my beliefs in myself are not always the same as my abilities.

I have started paying attention to the nice young thing on the Lancome counter, when she demonstrates how to best use our facial muscles to delay the wrinkles and post pone the sags.... If all else fails then splash out on an anti wrinkle cream. They really work, especially on the skin beneath the chin.(All the girls at the beauty stands in Dillards all say STAY OUT OF THE SUN) but to be honest this is why I came (partly) and my overweight(only slightly) body looks much better tanned, than it does an off white colour....

Have a great day ...

[kirtida8]

Brilliant post DebbieM definitely is better the other side of 40...

[Paul Elliott]

You get to rid yourself of most of the baggage you acquired in your life. I threw out: science, evolution, ambition, belief in progress [ what a relief that was] and sex - the final folly. Years ago some incurable optimist wrote a book called "Sex After Sixty". Who for I wonder. Not for a guy like me who is 60 and knows what every oldie knows that after 50, in respect of sex, not only the flesh but the spirit is weak. This cult of youth is due to the decline in belief in God: if there is nothing after, then those who are, ostensibly, the furthtest away from death [ the young ]are the most blessed. A young man looks at an old and thinks,"Shame, he has one foot in the grave." It never occurs to that young man that the old man is looking at the young and thinking,"Shame, he has it all to go through". Perhaps the young want to be taken in by the myth of old sexuality. The worst thing that can happen to a young man is to lose his libido and he is happy to think it will persist into old age. He doesn't realise that the climate of the mind also changes with the passing years and that what scares him at 20 is a relief at 60. Sex is a passing emotion: just as the adolescent dislikes the treacle pudding he yearned for as a child so the old turn from the flesh and seek the more satisfying consolations of the mind. If I were offered my youth back again I would turn from it in horror. I keep very fit soley because I have a horror of becoming physically dependent. Looking young is not for me. Finally, white hair. Let it go. God knows what he is doing: white/grey hair softens the inevitable harshening of the features. Proof of this can be seen in some old fright who dies her hair jet black - every wrinkle in her face stands out like a beacon. Every age has it's compensations and to deny oneself the dignity and authority of old age by aping the young is folly.
"My friends we shall not go again nor ape an ancient rage"
Nor stretch the folly of out youth to be the shame of age.
But walk with clearer eyes and mind this road that wandereth.
And see undimmed in evening light the decent inn of Death."

[TeaPot]

You get to rid yourself of most of the baggage you acquired in your life. I threw out: science, evolution, ambition, belief in progress [ what a relief that was] and sex - the final folly. Years ago some incurable optimist wrote a book called "Sex After Sixty". Who for I wonder. Not for a guy like me who is 60 and knows what every oldie knows that after 50, in respect of sex, not only the flesh but the spirit is weak. This cult of youth is due to the decline in belief in God: if there is nothing after, then those who are, ostensibly, the furthtest away from death [ the young ]are the most blessed. A young man looks at an old and thinks,"Shame, he has one foot in the grave." It never occurs to that young man that the old man is looking at the young and thinking,"Shame, he has it all to go through". Perhaps the young want to be taken in by the myth of old sexuality. The worst thing that can happen to a young man is to lose his libido and he is happy to think it will persist into old age. He doesn't realise that the climate of the mind also changes with the passing years and that what scares him at 20 is a relief at 60. Sex is a passing emotion: just as the adolescent dislikes the treacle pudding he yearned for as a child so the old turn from the flesh and seek the more satisfying consolations of the mind. If I were offered my youth back again I would turn from it in horror. I keep very fit soley because I have a horror of becoming physically dependent. Looking young is not for me. Finally, white hair. Let it go. God knows what he is doing: white/grey hair softens the inevitable harshening of the features. Proof of this can be seen in some old fright who dies her hair jet black - every wrinkle in her face stands out like a beacon. Every age has it's compensations and to deny oneself the dignity and authority of old age by aping the young is folly.
"My friends we shall not go again nor ape an ancient rage"
Nor stretch the folly of out youth to be the shame of age.
But walk with clearer eyes and mind this road that wandereth.
And see undimmed in evening light the decent inn of Death."

Paul, what a wonderful post.....I have just asked my husband to read it.

I am in my late forties and he is approaching his middle fifties. He is looking forward to waving goodbye to the ambition you mentioned, amongst other things, and the peace it will bring him. I hope he can achieve that soon.

In my earlier post I mentioned about preferring the wrinkles and grey hairs to the alternative. The alternative for me would not be face lifts and botox, but an early death. I have said goodbye to too many loved one's who I know today would love to have a grey hair and a wrinkle or two whilst enjoying their old age.

I am going to embrace getting older, I ride my bike, walk the dog and work in the garden to keep fit. I do these things not to "keep young", but because I enjoy it and more importantly to keep my body flexible and strong. I help our 11 year old with his advanced Math homework, do Sudoku, Crosswords, read voraciously and work in our business doing the book-keeping (including sorting out all business taxes and forms :( ) these I do as well because I enjoy them, apart from the taxes, but I know it will help keep my brain sharp.

I am going to need a strong body and sharp mind when I am older to keep up with all the grandchildren I cannot wait to have around me, the grandchildren that will pull on the loose skin on my elbows and delightfully yell "Nanny skin!" just like my kids did to my Mum....the very same woman who was still doing handstands with her grandchildren the year she died aged 68.

Thanks again for your eloquent and fascinating post.

Kind Regards, x

[kirtida8]

well said Teapot. Its a shame that the youth of today don't realise the importance of being yourself, and are forever chasing an illusive dream fed to them by the media.

[Paul Elliott]

We baby boomers are the main culprit for this youth cult. We believed that the aim of life is health wealth and happiness. We wanted Heaven on this earth, refusing to admit the impossibility of this desire. There is a barrier to Heaven called death which we must all cross. Christ called upon us to die in order to live and by dying on the cross generated a tidal wave of joy on which His followers have ridden for 2000 years. St. Paul's dictum: "all who love their lives in this world will lose them and those who hate their lives in this world will save them for life eternal" is for LIVING not for dying. You seem like a wide awake person. I recommend you read the works of Malcolm Muggeridge, an English social commentator and a curmudgeonly Christian convert who is my own favourite guru [ he died in 1989]. He was the first and one of the very few who told the truth about Stalin's evil regime in Russia when Muggeridge was a journalist there in 1933. He has the unique distinction of being declared persona non grata in Stalin's Russia, McCarthy's America and in apartheid South Africa. If you need anymore info I have an essay written by him called: The Great Liberal Death Wish which I would be happy to send you. You would find it interesting.

[Paul Elliott]

About those face lifts you mentioned: Some years ago I saw Helen Gurley Brown interviewed by Larry King. There she sat with her umpteenth face lifts twittering on about old age being the pits and how proud she was to be a sexual human being - at 70, for the love of God! I was so sad, she had a face like a well kept grave whereas, if she had aged naturally and spoke sensibly she would have come across with dignity. This urge to resist age is because so many people are afraid of death. Why? Death is as much a part of life as birth. But there is something else. Death makes a mockery of "progress". Progress does not exist. These things we see around us are merely changes in circumstances and yet with pathetic tenacity, people cling to the belief that changes in circumstances change life. No. To think modern life has changed in it's fundamentals is as silly as saying that Christ's words about not laying up treasure on earth because of moth and rust has been invalidated by the discovery of DDT and stainless steel. Life never changes: 100 years ago we couldn't drink the water, now we can't breath the air. 3000 years ago we sacrificed our first born so the rain would fall and the crops grow, now we murder them in the womb so we can afford that little place down the coast.

[DEE F]

Vey profound Paul,are you a born again Christian?

Dee x

[moon light]

old ppl r always wisdom ... and we 1 day will be old!!!!!

[TeaPot]

We baby boomers are the main culprit for this youth cult. We believed that the aim of life is health wealth and happiness. We wanted Heaven on this earth, refusing to admit the impossibility of this desire. There is a barrier to Heaven called death which we must all cross. Christ called upon us to die in order to live and by dying on the cross generated a tidal wave of joy on which His followers have ridden for 2000 years. St. Paul's dictum: "all who love their lives in this world will lose them and those who hate their lives in this world will save them for life eternal" is for LIVING not for dying. You seem like a wide awake person. I recommend you read the works of Malcolm Muggeridge, an English social commentator and a curmudgeonly Christian convert who is my own favourite guru [ he died in 1989]. He was the first and one of the very few who told the truth about Stalin's evil regime in Russia when Muggeridge was a journalist there in 1933. He has the unique distinction of being declared persona non grata in Stalin's Russia, McCarthy's America and in apartheid South Africa. If you need anymore info I have an essay written by him called: The Great Liberal Death Wish which I would be happy to send you. You would find it interesting.


I remember often watching Malcolm Muggeridge in discussion programmes on the TV during my 20's.....a very interesting man. I did read once that he criticised the monarchy back in the day which caused a great hoo-har within the BBC at the time! My husband would like to read some of his works - he is the greatest anti-monarchist I know and a Roman Catholic to boot (I believe Malcolm Muggeridge converted to Roman Catholicism late in his life).

Thanks for the heads up regarding the essay, I have googled it and it is published in full on-line so I shall read it, thanks again for the recommendation.

Kind Regards,

[Kriz1]

I'd like to be healthy and fit ...more than have a fake youth...I think nearly everyone who has a face lift looks older because of it...

[TeaPot]

About those face lifts you mentioned: Some years ago I saw Helen Gurley Brown interviewed by Larry King. There she sat with her umpteenth face lifts twittering on about old age being the pits and how proud she was to be a sexual human being - at 70, for the love of God! I was so sad, she had a face like a well kept grave whereas, if she had aged naturally and spoke sensibly she would have come across with dignity. This urge to resist age is because so many people are afraid of death. Why? Death is as much a part of life as birth. But there is something else. Death makes a mockery of "progress". Progress does not exist. These things we see around us are merely changes in circumstances and yet with pathetic tenacity, people cling to the belief that changes in circumstances change life. No. To think modern life has changed in it's fundamentals is as silly as saying that Christ's words about not laying up treasure on earth because of moth and rust has been invalidated by the discovery of DDT and stainless steel. Life never changes: 100 years ago we couldn't drink the water, now we can't breath the air. 3000 years ago we sacrificed our first born so the rain would fall and the crops grow, now we murder them in the womb so we can afford that little place down the coast.

I agree totally your comment above.

Obviously I do not want to die, but have had first hand experience too many times of nursing loved ones until their death. It has made me completely unafraid of death as I learned very quickly that, as you rightly say, death is a part of life.

This is very scary when you are young and don't even have first hand knowledge of a person that has passed away. When you do start to realise that people do die, usually the elderly, who would want to get old?

I think that (among other things) wisdom, learning to love your old body, love your partners old body (well, to a point :D ), and the realisation that other people having face lifts to keep "young" is just plain daft and how easy it is to see past those surface wrinkles to the bright eyes and beautiful soul within, only comes with age......

.....unless you were lucky enough to have an extremely wise Mother who spoke to you about such things while you were growing up and you were interested enough to listen !

Kind Regards,

[TeaPot]

I'd like to be healthy and fit ...more than have a fake youth...I think nearly everyone who has a face lift looks older because of it...


They look very strange don't they Kriz? A face devoid of all expression, or perhaps just a permanent expression of surprise! Most peculiar.

Goodness, I do hope I can continue to grow older gracefully.

Me and husband just had a giggle (he is in a good mood as we just beat the French at rugby YAY !!)

Anyhow, we were discussing this aging thing as Paul has thrown in some great comments. We were discussing hair and the greying of it.

OH started to lose his hair when he was just 19 (God love him) and says he would be perfectly happy to have a head full of grey hair......any hair at all in fact......;)

He has no problems with the surface effects of aging and never has done.

He reckons it is cheaper to think like that !! (He doesn't want to encourage me to dash out and buy any expensive lotions or potions to keep the years at bay.....:D

Have a nice evening Kriz. x

[Kriz1]

A lot of my hair is gray...I love it...
I can't look at someone with a facelift...it makes me feel sick....but I would have a small tuck here and there maybe...I don't know...I like a face to show life...
..my daughter was reading her great nan a story a few hours before she died...she was about 4 I think...I grow up with dead bodies in the house...my gran laid the dead out....

[Paul Elliott]

I am not sure I understand the concept of "born again Christian". I had an epiphany when I was 26 if that's what you mean. I am an independent. The preachers tell me this is impossible but then they would or else they are out of a job. I have never learned anything from books or homilies just from living my life. Books only tell you what you already know and the best writers express in wonderful prose your inchoate thoughts. Viz: Hugh Kingsmill who once wrote; "What is divine in Man is elusive and impalpable and he is easily tempted to embody it in a concrete form: a church, a social system, a political belief or a leader, so he can realise it with less effort and serve it with more profit. But all attempts to externalise the Kingdom of Heaven in a temporal form must fail. It cannot be created by charters and laws nor achieved by force of arms. Those who seek it on their own will find it together and those who search for it in company will perish singly." I lived that truth long before I ever heard of Kingsmill.There are many points in common betwen me and Muggeridge, especially our upbringing but our differences are huge: he a republican, me a Royalist, he a serial philanderer[ up until his 60's ] me a one gal guy, he a social animal me a recluse. I love his memory. He became a Catholic in his latter years and he is sometimes known as the man who invented Mother Theresa as it was a programme he did on her for the BBC which first brought her to the public notice. I recommend you read his memoirs "Chronicles of Wasted Time" which are truly funny and entertaining.

[DEE F]

I certainly agree with your philosophy on life,I think you can only learn from living your life to the full,you are a long time dead,I asked if you where a Born again Christian,because of your way of talking,which is intriguing and interesting,also my son became a Born again Christian,and it certainly changed him ,and I must say for the better.take care.

Dee xx

[chris]

For men....
You are as old as the woman you feel!

[InnVic]

Well I like being older (apart from the arthritis) - the lack of vision means I'm in "soft focus" every time I pass a mirror so the wrinkles are not bothering me! And while personally I wouldn't have a face lift (yet) I don't agree that for everyone its grasping at a lost youth - for many its a "confidence" booster and if thats what it takes to make someone happy then why should that be a bad thing?
I do have to disagree on the sex thing though.....I don't want to be 'free of it' thank you very much.
P.S Chris, my man is younger than me - can I be as old as him :-)

[chris]

Course you can InnVic