How to tell the sex of a fly

[lorraine]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked..

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.




Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

[grumps]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked..

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh. ! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.




Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

sounds about right to me

[lorraine]

sounds about right to me

and me:)

[lorraine]

A MAN'S I.Q.
There's these three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.
Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Ok, if you can really grant wishes, than double my I.Q."
double myI.Q.
The mermaid says, "Done." Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it with extreme insight.
The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, "Triple my I.Q." The mermaid says, "Done."
The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been bugging all the scientists of varying fields: physics, chemistry, etc.
The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he says to the mermaid, "Quintiple my I.Q."
The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I normally don't try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd reconsider."
The guy says, "Nope, I want you to increase my I.Q. times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."
"Please," says the mermaid. "You don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the universe... Won't you ask for something else... a million dollars, anything?"
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power.
So the mermaid sighed and said, "Done."
And he became a woman.

[kirtida8]

ONE


Recently,
when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of
6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or
twelve," was the reply.. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets,
but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and
ordered six McNuggets



TWO


I was checking
out at the local Wal-Mart
with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close
to mine.. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the
cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
"divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan
it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this
is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy
that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and
left. She had no clue to what had just happened.




THREE


A lady at work
was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very
quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet
and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."



FOUR



I recently saw a
distraught young lady weeping beside her car. " Do you need some
help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you
think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to
fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I
asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and
the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries.
It's a long walk."



FIVE



Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told
her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put
it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.



SIX



I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.


SEVEN



My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank.
Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this
question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you
guys have a fire downtown?"




EIGHT



Police in Radnor , Pa.
interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting
it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed
in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the
suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was
working, the suspect confessed.


NINE



A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine
.. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....




Dispatcher: Rush
him to the emergency room!





Life is tough
. It's tougher if you're stupid



and remember - these people can vote. :(

[grumps]

your turn lorraine