Just to lighten up

[Susie]

Advice for the ladies
If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section
Buy a dog.




If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you
Buy a dog.



If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it
Buy a dog





If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
Buy a dog.







If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
Buy a dog.



But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness...






Then.................






Buy a cat!





(You thought I was talking about a man didn't you?)



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[charliesmum]

I've got all of them and your words are very true!!!!
Zoe

[Susie]

A Woman's Poem



He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...

Like his Mother used to do. :angel:

[Susie]

What A Great Answer!

In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity about our country and its policies, we should remember England's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words to his own people.

During a recent interview, Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain was asked by one of his parliament members as to why he believes so much in America... and does he think America's on the right track?

Blair's reply:
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out."

[Susie]

I hope you all enjoy this one as much as I did!

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR


If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.!

Air bag's? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires